Why is it so hard for white people (like myself, and maybe you) to understand our privilege and what our privilege means for the world?
This post is a follow-up to this post; part 2, so to speak.
We see all around us that many white people — myself included — try to avoid feeling the discomfort of confronting racism in ourselves and in the society we benefit from. It is painful to realize that seeing yourself as a good person who probably even hates racism does not mean you are free from racist assumptions, blind spots, or harmful behavior.
For many of us, being a good person is part of our survival strategy in life. It is part of our identity. So understanding or admitting that we may have benefited from racist systems, absorbed racist ideas, stayed silent when we should have spoken, or caused harm even without intending it, can feel scary and painful.
If you are white, or if you are often perceived as white and benefit from that perception, probably you feel resistance against that last sentence. I invite you to not switch off now, but to continue reading.
The resistance that you may feel is often part of what is called white fragility: the defensiveness that can arise when white people are confronted with racism, racial privilege, or our own participation in racist systems.
What is white fragility? White fragility is connected to white privilege. When you live with privilege, it is hard to see your own privilege. Many white people have never had to move through society expecting negative treatment because of their skin color. This can make it very challenging for us to recognize when others are being discriminated against because of their skin color. And it means that we cannot fully know from experience what anti-Black racism feels like. We can listen, learn, believe people, study history, and take responsibility — but we should not pretend to understand it from the inside.
As a white person, or as someone who is often perceived as white, you may have been treated badly. Maybe very badly. But in many contexts, you were probably not treated badly because of being white.
As a result, we see things in a different context. If I call a Black person “lazy,” that word may land in a racist context because of a long history of racist stereotypes about Black people. Even if I did not intend racism, the impact can still be shaped by that history. However, if someone calls me “lazy,” I am much more likely to take it personally. I take it personally because I usually do not have to wonder whether the insult is connected to a wider racial stereotype about people like me.
Taking things only personally can create fragility.
These days, there is an impressive amount of posts from white people trying to prove somehow that the Black Lives Matter movement is not relevant and/or dangerous and/or creates division and/or neglects the suffering of others and/or is paid for by Soros, freemasons, or aliens. Many of these posts are manifestations of white fragility: avoiding the pain of deeply looking in the mirror, and acknowledging that prejudice and racism are present in us and in the society that we are part of.
Our discomfort is real, but it is not the central issue. The central issue is the harm caused by racism and the responsibility we have to reduce it.
It’s a scary trip, but are you with me? Will you engage, together with me or in any other way, in facilitating real unity — not the kind of unity that avoids conflict or asks people to be silent about injustice, but the kind of unity that requires honesty, repair, and justice?
It’s a frustrating trip at times. Because we will make mistakes, despite our good intentions. And we may take it personally when people point us out to our mistakes.
This journey is not about making white people feel enlightened, innocent, or comfortable again. It is about changing what we tolerate, what we participate in, and what we do next.
Let’s do it. Let’s make this journey of introspection and responsibility. A world without racism is a better world.
Read the next episode of this series here: What about ‘All Lives Matter’?